A story of hope. A story of God’s amazing grace.
I was stuck on the interstate this morning. A semi had crossed the median into oncoming traffic and both sides were at a standstill as emergency crews worked to save lives. I thought about how that truck driver’s life would be forever changed by today. And I prayed for God’s grace upon him. It’s crazy to think that one day, one decision can change everything. And yet it is often the hundred little decisions that lead up to the one day that seems to change it all.
Then I noticed the date. Exactly two years ago, my life was changed by one day, by one decision. And yet it was really months of little decisions and little steps that led to that day. Today it’s been exactly two years since I walked into the courthouse for the first time. I was terrified. Suffocating under the fear and shame that weighed on me. Alone. Confused. I’d hardly slept in weeks. The exhaustion was soul deep. And my heart was shattered. I’d sat in the parking lot for awhile, trying to convince myself to walk inside. To open my car door and take the first step. I didn’t feel brave. I didn’t feel strong. I was just broken. Running away seemed like the better option. But this persistent voice inside kept telling me that it was time to take that step. Sometimes what is seen by the outside world is not what is happening behind closed doors. Sometimes the smile you see on someone’s face does not reflect the state of their heart.
As I sobbed out my story to the victim’s advocate and later to a judge, I prayed they would believe me and help me. When I walked out of the courtroom with a restraining order, I felt the first glimmer of hope. Someone believed me! Maybe I wasn’t as crazy as I thought. The decision to open my car door and walk into that courthouse changed everything. It didn’t magically fix my life. It didn’t stop the fear or mend my broken heart. In fact, things got worse in the days and weeks that followed before they got better.
But this isn’t a woe is me or look at me story. It’s a wow God story. Just as I prayed for the grace of God to fall on that truck driver this morning as his life is changed, so too, I can look back and see the grace of God through each step of my journey. In the small decisions. In the everyday obedience. And on that “big” day two years ago. I may have felt alone in that courthouse but I wasn’t because He was there too. I may have been scared and confused but God was the Rock that kept me going on that day and through all the small decisions in the months before and after that day. God’s hand is woven through every step I’ve taken. Even in the darkest moments when I couldn’t see past the hurt. He is good. He has been good every day. He is faithful and continues to lead me every moment.
Maybe you’re on the edge. You’re ready for that one day that changes everything. You see a big step that needs to happen and it seems impossible. Maybe you feel hopeless. Maybe you have to walk away from something good so you can embrace an even better adventure. Maybe you are in a bad situation and you need to get a new job or walk away from a toxic person or change your habits. I get it. And I know it can be so freaking scary. But you can take a baby step today. This may not be the day when everything changes but it can be a day of small decisions that lead you forward. Today you can take another small step to change your story. To walk in the grace of Christ and know that He is so, so good. It can be the day you look to Christ and trust Him with everything. And that will be the best decision you ever make.
Romans 15:13 – “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”