Where are you God?

This is raw & unedited. I wrote this in my journal a couple months ago and thought I would share it on here as it demonstrates so vividly how much the Lord is teaching me….

I want to ask, “Where are You, God?” And yet I know the answer. I know You’re right here. I know You’re always with me. So maybe the better question would be “Why is it so hard for me to know Your presence?” What’s getting in the way? Sin? Disobedience? Pride? Fear? What God? What is it? Please tell me so I can deal with it and meet with You. Please God. I long to know Your presence in my life. I long for a deeper walk with You. I don’t want to go on like this. God, I need You. I need You. I’ll give up my dreams, surrender everything. I’ll stay at Caterpillar if that’s what it takes. I just want more of You. You can have me. All of me. Total surrender. Oh God, it hurts but I’m trusting that You’re worth it. My Father, my love, You can have me. Consume me Lord. I won’t fight You. Show me how to love. Oh God, I want to love You. (written with tears)