Monster

A coworker recently asked me about the lyrics of a Skillet song, pointing out that they don’t sound Christian. I pulled them up and began reading and while I wouldn’t normally use such agressive language, I could see how it applied to me. Check this out:

The secret side of me, I never let you see
I keep it caged but I can’t control it
So stay away from me, the beast is ugly
I feel the rage and I just can’t hold it

It’s scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls
It comes awake and I can’t control it
Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head
Why won’t somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

I feel it deep within, it’s just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I’ve become, the nightmare’s just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster

My secret side I keep hid under lock and key
I keep it caged but I can’t control it
‘Cause if I let him out he’ll tear me up, break me down
Why won’t somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

It’s hiding in the dark, it’s teeth are razor sharp
There’s no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart
No one can hear me scream, maybe it’s just a dream
Maybe it’s inside of me, stop this monster

I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster

The monster within can be those hidden sins that we think others don’t see but we know all too well. We know the depths of the evil within. I know too well the pride & the selfishness that rears its ugly head in my life – it can feel like a monster. Pride & selfishness will destroy relationships, it will sabotage my peace, it will run rampant destroying everything in its path. UNLESS. Unless I allow Jesus inside. Unless I give Jesus control in my life. Unless I submit to Him and allow Him to change who I am.

It makes me think of a passage we were studying in Bible study a couple weeks ago: Romans 7:19 – “For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do — this I keep on doing.” It’s easy to get stuck here, to get frustrated by being trapped with the same problems over and over. I don’t want to be a selfish person and yet time and time again, I make selfish choices. It’s disgusting when I see how prideful I can get and the damage it does to myself and my relationships.

If I get stuck living in Romans 7, life gets very depressing. But there is hope! There is Romans 8 – “You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you” (vs 9). There is a greater power living in me, greater than my selfishnes and pride. “Greater is He that in in you, than he that is in the world” – 1 John 4:4b.

I may feel like a monster at times, but the truth is that I am not a monster. I am a child of God. I am loved by the Creator of the Universe. I am a beautiful new creation (2 Cor 5:17 – “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”) And when I realize that I am not bound to the monster inside me, when I see the freedom that I have been given, then a new song rises from within:

I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.

Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.

~Psalm 40:1-5